“Rest assured that the Lord. who daily provides for the millions of fish in the sea and the myriads of birds in the air will not suffer his own children to perish for lack of the things of this life.”

– Charles H. Spurgeon

In the last blog, I began to narrate the events that led up to our decision to move, the beginnings of the discernment process to try to find God’s direction in the midst of a lot of confusion. I will pick up that thread again in the next blog. Here, I want to take an interlude, a pause in order to center the conversation where it ought to be centered, on God. Too much existential reflection runs the risk of placing emphasis on us, as humans in general and us, as a specific family who are making decisions. But the emphasis of the Christian life is not on us; it’s on God. Regardless of us, God is still God.

Abraham said, “God himself will provide the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” So the two of them walked on together.

– Genesis 22:8

At the points in my life where I have struggled, suffered fear and anxiety, and ultimately failed in my faith, it has been because I failed first to remember that God is God. Like Peter, I started my walk with eyes on Jesus, but at some point shifted my focus to the storm of circumstances around me. When my gaze faltered, so did my footing and I began to sink (Mat 14:22-33). But praise be to God this is not a story of failure, not for Peter, not for us. It’s not a story of failure but because the story is not about Peter, It’s about Jesus. It’s about Jesus who walks above the waves, who has power over the forces that come against us. Jesus who enabled Peter to walk on the water with him. Jesus who rescued Peter when he did falter. Jesus who raised Peter above the waves, enabling him to tread on the very forces that would otherwise consume him. 

Peter walked on water, twice! This is an important lesson because it encourages us to trust God, not just in the beginning of the journey but throughout. It encourages us not only to step out in faith but to continually re-shift our focus back to God, the God who is with us always, even to the end of the age (Mat 28:20). Trust means to ultimately surrender to the goodness of God. We can do that because we know that he is with us and that he loves us. He is not only able to do great things but wants to do great things for us. We trust because of his nature, his power and his and his love. Let me jump to another biblical story so that we can see this illustrated more clearly. Let’s look at the familiar story of Abraham and Isaac:

Some years later God decided to test Abraham, so he spoke to him. Abraham answered, “Here I am, Lord.” The Lord said, “Go get Isaac, your only son, the one you dearly love! Take him to the land of Moriah, and I will show you a mountain where you must sacrifice him to me on the fires of an altar.” So Abraham got up early the next morning and chopped wood for the fire. He put a saddle on his donkey and set out with Isaac and two servants for the place where God had told him to go.

Three days later Abraham looked off in the distance and saw the place. He told his servants, “Stay here with the donkey, while my son and I go over there to worship. We will come back.”

Abraham put the wood on Isaac’s shoulder, but he carried the hot coals and the knife. As the two of them walked along, Isaac said, “Father, we have the coals and the wood, but where is the lamb for the sacrifice?” “My son,” Abraham answered, “God Himself will provide the lamb.”

The two of them walked on, and when they reached the place that God had told him about, Abraham built an altar and placed the wood on it. Next, he tied up his son and put him on the wood. He then took the knife and got ready to kill his son. But the Lord’s angel shouted from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!” “Here I am!” he answered. “Don’t hurt the boy or harm him in any way!” the angel said. “Now I know that you truly obey God, because you were willing to offer him your only son.”

Abraham looked up and saw a ram caught by its horns in the bushes. So he took the ram and sacrificed it instead of his son. Abraham named that place “The Lord Will Provide.” And even now people say, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.

– Genesis 22:1-14

There is much in this story we could talk about. But at its core, this is lesson of trust and provision. God tested Abraham with no intention of making him go through with the gruesome task. God needed Abraham’s trust, his willingness to surrender EVERYTHING so that he could establish the Covenant that would eventually lead to redemption of the world. Abraham’s faith here is remarkable. As they travel up the mountainside, Isaac asks his father where the sacrificial lamb is. Abraham answers, “God Himself will provide the lamb.” This is not a lie. Abraham is not trying to cover up the fact that Isaac has come along as the sacrifice. To the contrary, Abraham knows that he will come back down the mountain with Isaac, a living Isaac, by his side. Nothing will prevent that, not even death.

Abraham had been promised that Isaac, his only son, would continue his family. But when Abraham was tested, he had faith and was willing to sacrifice Isaac, because he was sure that God could raise people to life. This was just like getting Isaac back from death.

– Hebrews 11:18-19

Abraham trusted the promise of God. God had promised that through Isaac his bloodline would continue and that through Isaac he would fulfill his promise to make his people a great nation and subsequently bless all the peoples of the earth. If Isaac died here and stayed dead that promise would be broken. The test is whether Abraham believes that God will keep his promises no matter what. So, when Abraham says, “God Himself will provide a lamb,” he is speaking confidently and prophetically. He is confident that God will provide what is necessary even if he has to go through with this task. If he slaughters his son upon the altar and burns the remains as was the custom, God will raise Isaac up out of that state and restore him back to his father. Nothing will prevent God keeping his promise. He is prophetic, even if he doesn’t realize it, in that God would ultimately provide a sacrificial lamb in place of Isaac, a Son for a son (John 1:29). Abraham surrendered to God’s plan even though he could not see the outcome.

What was true in each of these Bible stories and what is still true today is that God is in the midst of it, already making provision. Jesus knew that Peter would falter for a moment, so he moved into position to catch Peter’s hand as he sank, raising him back up. God knew his Son must endure the Cross, be dead and buried, but also that he would raise him up on the third day. Jesus knew this as well, even as he struggled in his humanity over the coming events. Abraham knew that God would provide all that was needed so that Isaac would be blessed and flourish. He didn’t know how God would do it, only that he would. And God was already moving outside of Abraham’s vision, outside of his realm of knowledge, outside of his imagination to provide exactly what was needed at exactly the moment he needed it. 

In the Genesis passage we are told that after the angel stayed Abraham’s blade, that he “looked up and saw a ram caught by its horns in the bushes.” Did the ram magically appear there? Where did it come from? God led the ram to this place at this exact time. Even as Abraham walked up the mountain with his son, praying for God’s provision under his breath, sweating with fear and gut-wrenching anticipation of what might happen when they arrived, God was already moving. God was moving outside of Abraham’s ability to see of comprehend so that what Abraham needed was there when he needed. Not too early, but definitely not too late. 

As we look ahead at what the next several months and years holds for us, as church family relying on one another as we follow God’s plan, as local congregations trying to navigate these unknown waters in the midst of change, as a family in transitions and faced with uprooting our lives and starting again, these lessons from God’s Holy Word are a source of peace and joy, of God’s Shalom. Abraham named the place “The Lord Will Provide.” My prayer is that we will surrender this all to the God who sees ahead and provides every need, the God who is able and willing, the God who is all powerful and all good. I pray that we trust so that as we walk through this valley of uncertainty and scale the next hill into the unknown, we can say confidently and prophetically, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided!” Amen.

– More in the next blog

But mouse-friend, you are not alone
in proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid plans of Mice and Men
go oft awry,
and leave us only grief and pain,
for promised joy!

(Robert Burns)

In May, I planted two American Persimmon Trees (diospyros virginiana) at the parsonage for my wife as a Mother’s Day present. Jennifer has always wanted persimmon trees. She makes the most amazing persimmon pudding from a recipe given to her from a dear sweet saint in a previous church we served. We’ve talked off and on over the years about having fruit trees in our yard, cherries, apples, peaches, and of course persimmons. But in all our conversations, we ended up coming to the same conclusion; we will do that after we retire, when we are living in our final and permanent home. As an iterant pastor, moving from parsonage to parsonage, it’s just not logical to grow fruit trees. All varieties of fruit trees take years to establish and more years to fruit. American or Common Persimmons take about 5 to 7 years to establish and then usually don’t fruit until about 10 years. You can cut that time down a little, like we did, by getting 3-year-old saplings. But in any case, planting persimmons is a long-term commitment. 

So, when I planted these trees alongside our cherries and blueberries, we were looking far ahead. We were preparing not only the soil, but our hearts and minds to be in this place for at least another 10 years.  In fact, every decision we had been making about how we were structuring our lives we made with the assumption that we would in fact be serving Zion Church for at least the next 10 years and hopefully twice that. We built planter boxes, raised chickens and ducks, and got a milk cow. 

More than that, we planted our lives here. Our eldest daughter went to school in Elizabeth City, so we are situated at a sort of halfway point between her and our extended family back in Greensboro. Our middle daughter is enrolled in the local community college. Our youngest is involved in extracurricular activities in surrounding towns. And, we have been going through an extensive home study with the aim of bringing two adoptive daughters home HERE from Colombia. Our plans are all “here’ plans. We thought about, talked about, and planned as if we would retire from this place.

The Eighteenth-Century Scottish poet, Robert Burn wrote, “The best-laid plans of Mice and Men go oft awry.” For us, humans living our limited lives here on earth, that means that no matter how much, how diligently, or how passionately we map out our own course in life, the best and most well-made plans have a tendency to go sideways. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 19 that “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” (Prov 19:21 NIV). I feel that, all of that. No matter how much I plan ahead, many times life just refuses to cooperate. On the other hand, no matter how flexible I try to be, sometimes I just get blindsided by life’s twists and turns. That’s the human condition. The best laid plans.

The week after Mother’s Day, the same week I was planting persimmon trees, I got a call from my Stepdad saying they needed to cancel Mother’s Day dinner with my mom. She wasn’t feeling well. Four days later, she was in the ICU on a ventilator and the doctors were asking us if we wanted them to resuscitate in case her heart stopped again. The best laid plans. She spend the next several weeks literally fighting for her life. Off the ventilator, back on the ventilator, on the bi-pap, off the bi-pap. One step forward two steps back. A dance with mortality, a dance on the edge of physical death with a relentless partner. This unfeeling partner kept insisting we dance one more song no matter how exhausted we became. Anyone who has walked with an aging and/or seriously ill parent knows this dance. 

Then! Right in the middle of the running back and forth, the four-hour round trips to Greensboro from Norlina, my wife’s father fell and broke his shoulder. He landed in the same hospital where my mom was. His health had already been declining for the last 6 years since his wife passed away. Don was his wife’s primary caregiver, her sole caregiver, as she battled Parkinson’s for almost 30 years. The fall was more than his frail body could take. He went into an almost catatonic state for days. He developed bed sores in the hospital due to lack of care and attention. The hospital chose not to record the bed sores in his chart or inform the family he had them. Instead, they sent him in that condition to the rehab facility where the nurse discovered them. He declined from there. My mom went home, struggling with congestive heart failure and a host of other ailments. Don died. I buried him. We were broken.

Somewhere in the midst of the running back and forth, the late nights and early mornings, the complaints that I was spending too much time away from church and not ministering well enough to my congregation, dealing with some painful issues among Jennifer’s brothers, the desire to keep Zion focused on its mission to win hearts to Jesus and make disciples, the constant ups and downs of the adoption process, the burden on my heart for these small churches in this area who need guidance as they strive to live into their calling under a new denomination, and the hesitation in my heart every time one of my brothers’ numbers came up on my phone, and the utter exhaustion… a truth emerged. The future I had envisioned was not panning out. The best laid plans.

With that realization, came a thought. “Maybe we need to move back, be closer to our families.” It was just a thought, at first. That thought became an idea, and that became a prayer. “God, what should we do? We are struggling here for direction. What should we do?” I shared that concern with a handful of my collogues at a cabinet retreat of the Leadership of the GMC NC Provisional Annual Conference the first week of June. For the first time, the consideration of moving as even a remote possibility was out there, voiced, and being prayed over. But it was not a plan, not even a fully conceptualized idea, just a prayer request. In my heart, I still had a thousand reasons why we could not, would not move. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Those who know me, know that I am the farthest thing from a neo-Calvinist. So, I am not saying that God’s plans and purposes included my mother’s illness, the various difficulties in the adoption process, my father-in-law’s death, or the growing number of folks at Zion who were feeling neglected and/or hurt. No. These are just things that happen in life. The brokenness that is intrinsic to a fallen world. The many ways “the best-laid plans of Mice and Men go oft awry.” Yet, God foreknew all these things would happen. God saw ahead and provided for each and every circumstance. God’s prevenient grace was already charting a path through the storm. God’s plans would prevail! Of that we were completely sure. Yet we were completely unsure of where the path led. We needed to pray for clarity so that we could walk the path that God had laid out. As it turns out, that path is away from Zion and toward our families back home, at least for now.

– More in the next blog

1. Burns, Robert. To a Mouse. 1785 ↩︎

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Prov 19:21 NIV

When it’s done right, pastoring is the most exciting, invigorating, and life-giving vocation I can think of. There is nothing on earth I love more than watching God move in the lives of his people, in the community of faith, and in the community around us. The rewards of living into one’s calling, I suppose. But, pastoring isn’t easy. There. I said it. Something we were all thinking. And pastoring through change is more difficult. And pastoring through major transition, when we don’t have many of the answers is infinitely more difficult. In his book, Canoeing the Mountains, Tod Bolsinger says:

“Adaptive processes don’t require leadership with answers. It requires leadership that create structures that hold people together through the very conflictive, passionate, and sometimes awful process of addressing questions for which there aren’t easy answers.”

What Bolsinger is getting at is a fundamental truth of all leadership in general, and something central to Christian leadership in particular. Leadership is not about having all the answers; it’s about building up a community who can weather change, navigate difficult decisions, and continue in mission in the midst upheaval. That’s true in business, the non-profit sector, family, civic organizations, and definitely in the Church. To frame this in biblical terms:

Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.” (Gen 12:1-2 NRSV)

God called Abram out of what was familiar and into something very unfamiliar. He was being called to a place he didn’t know and one that God would have to show him. Much of the Christian life, and subsequently much of Christian leadership is about charting the unknown, following God to a place he “will show” us. As I begin writing this series, my family and I are in such a liminal season, a time of transition, a time of being shown. That means then that our congregation is in a liminal season, a time of transition, a time of being shown. My successes and/or failures as a leader will be demonstrated through this time. How I, my family, our congregation, and our community weather this transition is a direct reflection on me as a disciple, a spouse, a father, a pastor, and a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ.

My reasons for blogging about this journey, for being this transparent and vulnerable, are three-fold. 1) Firstly, I need to articulate this process so that I might communicate it more clearly to myself, to glean the lessons I need to become a more effective leader. This I could have done in a personal prayer journal, but that would be of little benefit to anyone else. 2) Secondly, I need to articulate this so that I might communicate it to those who are directly affected by the decisions we have made and the journey we have been on. This is for my family, my friends, my Church, my community. 3) Finally, the struggles we are experiencing are common to pastors, their families, and their churches. I hope that in these reflections, others might not only find a sense of solidarity but glean with me some lessons, some wisdom that will ultimately benefit the Kingdom of God.

1. Bolsinger, Tod. Canoeing the Mountains: Christian Leadership in Uncharted Territory. ↩︎